Getting Through Your Breakup

Mon 20 May, 2019 | After the Divorce, General by in after divorce, breakup, self-help

 

We’ve all gone through those breakups that leave us eating some rocky road ice cream with a soup ladle while watching our favorite romcom (You’ve Got Mail, for me).  The initial hurdle of a recently ended relationship is made up of two parts.  First, is the person.  Whether you initiated the break up or not, at some point, you were invested in having a relationship with that person.  That emotional commitment to someone isn’t going to go away overnight regardless of the circumstances leading to the split.  The second part is loneliness.  We are social creatures and we adjust to having someone around to talk to, watch movies with, and pick what’s for dinner.  Even if you are fed up with a person and end the relationship, you will, at some point, feel lonesome.  Both aspects of dealing with a breakup are completely normal and unavoidable.  Luckily, there are ways to get past them.

 

  1. Avoid Your Ex – Social media, phone, pictures, memory evoking keepsakes, all play into this. Any interaction with them either in person or otherwise can delay your ability to get over them.  You’re going to think about them.  They aren’t just going to vanish from your memory.  Having a conversation with them, trying to see what they’re doing on Instagram, or being reminded of them by all the cute pictures of the two of you on the fridge, isn’t the way forward.  Avoid your ex as much as reasonably possible, and if it is unavoidable, control the interaction.  If you have to, block their phone number, unfollow, and get rid of the pics on the fridge. 

 

  1. Spend Time with Friends and Family – The loneliness is going to be real. People in your life are going to be busy.  Take advantage of spending time with them when they are available, so you don’t spend all your free time with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.  This will help you get through the front line of feeling alone, which will fade with time.

 

  1. Take a Vacation – Getting out of town and experiencing something that can distract you from the breakup can be helpful. You can accomplish the same thing as bullet number 1 (assuming you can stay off of social media and don’t drunk dial).  Start the next chapter of your life by doing something memorable and taking some time to escape the place that reminds you of them.

 

  1. Journal – It’s cheaper than therapy, but it can indeed be very therapeutic to write down your casual and innermost thoughts. Doing so can help you move down the road and get to a better place.  It is also safer to put your thoughts on paper rather than on the web.

 

  1. Start Dating – This doesn’t mean rush out and find a replacement. Getting out and mingling can remind you that there are other people in the world.  Dating can also help combat the loneliness, but shouldn’t be used as a direct person replacement. 

 

  1. Date Yourself – The best part about breakups is being able to do what you want. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, bubble bath, spa, binge watching a series you love, indulging your guilty pleasures, or that purchase you’ve been holding off on.  Take the opportunity to remind yourself of the things you really enjoy doing or have been wanting to do. 

 

These ideas may seem to simple, but they are proven.  Continuing to have conversation with your ex to find closure or figure out what you could have done differently will only prolong the process.  Harping on all the negative things about them has been shown reduce feelings towards an ex but also increases the stress levels.   Completely distracting yourself by staying too busy to think about it extends the time it takes to get over someone.  The best strategy is to recognize that you had feelings for a person and that a relationship with them just isn’t going to continue. 

 

There are going to be tough days, don’t make it harder on yourself.  Get back to what makes you happy.  Remember that you’ve been down this “rocky road” before and that it gets better. 

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